Most emperors brag about battles, dynasties, or divine right. Emperor Uda bragged about his cat. In 889 CE, at just seventeen years old, he sat down to write in his diary and produced what might be the most extraordinary ode to a pet in world history. Forget swords and scrolls—this was the Heian court’s first “cat post.”

The cat itself was a diplomatic gift, arriving by boat from China. Uda describes it with reverence: its fur “as dark as the deepest ink,” its eyes flashing like needles, its body curling into a perfect circle “like a coin or jade disk.” When it stretched, it was a drawn bow. When it cried, it was “like a black dragon floating above the clouds.” In other words, this wasn’t just a cat. This was a void-beast, a cosmic panther disguised as a house pet.

Uda even tried to accessorize it. He tied a bow around its neck. The cat shredded it instantly. He admired its rebellion. He noted its hunting stance, its ability to vanish at night, its Taoist-style health regimen (yes, he actually wrote that). He concluded, with imperial authority: “I am convinced it is superior to all other cats.” That’s not just a diary entry. That’s the world’s first official cat ranking.

Meanwhile, Uda was also emperor of Japan (r. 887–897). He reined in the Fujiwara clan, promoted Confucian ethics, and dabbled in yin-yang divination. But history remembers him best for this diary entry. Why? Because it’s the most relatable thing an emperor ever wrote. He wasn’t flexing armies. He was flexing his cat.

Think about it: the Heian court was a world of rigid ceremony, poetry contests, and political intrigue. And here’s Uda, scribbling about how his cat curls up into a ball so perfectly you can’t see its feet. It’s basically a 9th-century Instagram caption. If he’d had Wi-Fi, he’d have been posting #voidcat selfies daily.

So yes, Uda was a reformer, a scholar, and a ruler. But more importantly, he was the first emperor to admit the truth: cats rule us all. He didn’t just govern Japan. He governed the vibe. And the vibe was feline.

He wasn’t a conqueror of nations. He was a conqueror of cat aesthetics. He didn’t just write policy. He wrote the first cat blog. And when history looked back, it didn’t see only his reforms. It saw the dragon-voiced, bow-shredding, ink-black cat.